xx Ella.Z

Everything about him is just mind-twisting. I ain't a detective but my attraction towards him is a mystery case. It was always the same question. "Why him?" I could choose the nice guy I met at weddings or coffee shops who is a gentleman at first sight with good intentions of wanting to get to know me. But why did I choose him, instead? --the guy who made my heart flutter with his dangerous yet enticing words, devious side smiles and suave aura. He seduced my mind and the whole lot of me. He was toxic --bad. But he challenged me, he triggered my curiosity and I keep coming back for more. And my my how he can make me laugh, goofy yet sexy, at the same time. He was truly one of a kind, the mysterious kind --a case that I would be delightful to crack.

Am I too open? Or he had me all figured out? I never felt so naked to anyone before. But with him --with him around, my walls came undone. I feel like I can bare my all, stripped to skin. He can see right through me, I'm bare-naked. And I can no longer hide my pride, my heart, my very soul.

Being needy is the last option I had in mind because I used to be one and it never made him stay.  Inspired by a song from Ariana Grande which I'm currently obsessed with. I can be needy, But I don't want to seem, Like I need someone, Never to part. Or someone, To even touch me, With all one's heart. I've been needy, And it's not something, He favored, Of me wanting, His time, His space, His affection, When all I need was, A little of his attention.

Inspired by my real profession. The open-concept I highly admire relates back to how open I want him and I to be. Babe, let's be open, As we play this game, No walls in between, No restrictions, Everything exposed, All is seen. Now tell me, Tell me your secret, Tell me your desire, As we stripped down, Naked in such dire, Need of one another. Tell me you want me, And I'll tell you too, Underneath our skin, Where the lust grew. Can you do it? Be open to this? Be open to me? A concept, Of no walls, Bare everything, Ain't stereotyping, Bathroom needs no door, As the bed lay aside, Seperated by glass, From floor to floor. Blurring the lines, Of two spaces, I and you, You can see me, And I see you, Now we're open, Through and through.

For someone whom I'm quite afraid to lose because what we're having is too beautiful. Yes, this is for him, he's simple --direct, a minimalist. Of all the cities I’ve been to, You are my favourite. Caught my eye from the start, An architecture built in dreams, Of transparency and glass, Beautiful but fragile. Yet I couldn’t get my feet to move, Away from this city, Away from you. For I am a lover, Of the skyline buildings, Structured in glass, The open-concept, Where everything is vast and seen. The monochrome shades, Of black to white in hue, Stark but sleek in a way, You ought to woo. A minimalist, Simple yet intriguing, But never boring, It is what you are. As how I like it, But here in your city, Designed not to linger, For that I’d ask you, Can you do me a favour? Don’t chase me away, To leave, To visit another.

He drives me wild, sometimes. This lust for him, within --I just couldn't understand.  It's 2019, Here I am, Lusting you still, Dressed in an underwear, That you thought was sexy, As I run my fingers, From my neck, Down to my hip, Writing dirty words, A pleasure for your read.

Sometimes, I can't even figure him out. Even in my dreams. You appear in my dreams, sometimes. You love, You care, But sometimes, You don't. You curve, You dare, To leave me alone.

Does it ever get lonely? Thinking you could live without me. Halsey's new breakup song inspired me to write out my own. Do you think of me, babe? When you're feeling high, Choking yourself w ith smokes, Of a lit-joint, Thinking you're not sorry, For a past you wish to forget, Or not quite yet? A blurred face, A silhouette. Do you think of me, babe? When you're feeling high, Or have I become a distant memory? The one you can no longer trace, Why? No longer you know my name, No longer you recognize my face, I was there, You can't deny. Do you still think of me, babe? When you're feeling high, Though I'm far for you to hold, Can you live? Being lonely, Without me? Whilst having fun, Not what I've been told, You can't.

I was infatuated with his words. Words that can make me ache for something I'd lust for. I knew he was a bad idea. But his words --there's something about his words that kept me coming back for more. They're mean yet flattering, silly yet charming and ..oh plain bad yet enticing! He carved them simply for an amusement with sly flirtation in between, taking me high in ecstasy as I became fixated on them. Like drugs, I was lusting after of how they can make me feel --addictive yet satisfying. I wanted more and so, he drugged me with them until he ran out and unconsciously, I'm overdosed.  

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. If he promised me, New York ..I'd promise him, me. Take me to New York City, Take my hand and let's run away. Let others say what they wanna say, We'll make history starting from today, Here in a city we love, we should stay. Take me to New York City, Take my hand and let's go, bae. Just me and you, down and all the way, From day to night, night to day, Here where we make endless love as we lay. Under the city lights --of New York City.

This guy I knew was charming and he was my best companion ever. Unfortunately, he belongs to someone else. He tells a joke but it wasn't her laugh and he knew. She giggles coyly but it wasn't his joke she laughed to.  She wasn't his current and he wasn't her previous but they were both lonely, at the same time and for an impeccable reason --fate let them meet for a while to fill the empty void. They shared stories of wonders to tell even though they seems to be strangers with love to sell, throwing away feelings without having to feel, never thought for a second it was real. They were happy to be around each other but nothing lasts forever for he will have his girl crawling back to his arms and she will have another guy who deserves her at her best to move on. They were meant for each other but never in love, simply they were just temporary lovers who seeks for the love they couldn't get enough of.

Another night to waste for wild thoughts. He was a beast and perhaps, I was his beauty? He knew she was toxic, It was a bad, dirty idea, But he let his mind consume anyway. The thought of her fingers, Dancing on his tattooed skin, Intriguing enough to unleash the beast within.

He couldn't quit me but selfishly made the decision to quit, anyway. But I'm like a drug that kept him coming back for more. He quit you. Even though you thought you were his cigarette that he lighted up,  smoking high, finding escape, one puff after another, an ecstasy to him.  And you thought you were his tattoo that he inked for fun,  permanently beautiful, carved on skin, one art after another, an obsession to him.  You also thought you were his booze that he drank on lonely nights,  feeling less sober, drunkenly dreaming, one sip after another, an addiction to him. You knew it's a never for him to quit smoking or carving tattoos and even getting wasted.  But he quit you. Maybe you're more than a cigarette he took everyday.  You flew him high in a twist of fate, you were his sweet escape.  Maybe you're more than a tattoo on his skin. Your name is written on his heart once he learn to say it often, ...

Bad boy is my favourite kind of persona. With a story of regret when it comes to love because he surely sucks at it. Of dimmed lights, flickered a hope. An empty bed, a lonely night to cope. The cigarettes, his regrets. The air it chokes, his mind rather his throat. Of stills running wild, inside his thoughts. Her touch, a little too much. Her smile, oh he can't help but to smile! Her lips, yes, he tasted it. The heat, drips sweat down his naked torso. To think she would come back, To his arms, to his side, to his bed, And walk back to his door, But darling, there she goes.

Dreams?  The only place we could meet. Her words, A dangerous call, To seduce and lure him. But they are miles away, For their touch only be felt, In their wildest dreams.

Far away for a touch, he is. But the thought of him keeps me warm at night. When you sleep at night, Don't let your mind consumed by him. For his face will haunt you in dreams, His hands will touch you in places you wish him to discover, And my, my, his lips will caress you to sleep. Like a singing melody so deep, He got you shiver between sheets. What a dangerous tune for the night, Though he isn't near nor in sight.

The art of seducing never been more intriguing when you're exactly the opposite of each other --you complement one another. "We're different. I'm wine and you're coffee." He said. I nodded. He was right. Like the wine --he's cold, heartless, feelings unattached and with every sip, he crave to be wild. An acquired taste of danger and lust, his favourite drink for the evening. And like the coffee --I'm hot, compassionate, burning with passion. In every sip, I carefully desire a feeling. An acquired taste of solace and love, more of my favourite kind. "We're different." I muttered back his words.  "You're wine, drunken with dirty thoughts of touch and nudity. And I'm coffee, caffeinated with romantic hopes of embrace and affection." "But babe, opposite attracts." 

Night adventure means everything. Because everything good happens at night.  Let's get out of this city.  He said. It's 2 a.m. Forget everyone, Just you and I, A night-filled adventure, Doing silly things. Are you in?

An ode to the bad boys.  Who doesn't love them? Let me explore your mind, babe. For now, for a little while sake. I want to know you, I want to know more. I want to know what's on your mind, I eat thoughts, what a bore! What keeps you awake at night? What gets you to lust for us or not quite? What troubles you really in life as you lay? What causes you to finish every lasy pack of That damned cigarettes you had for a day? Let me, let me! Because once I'm done, I'm done forever. I'll run, I'll leave. As you like, as you wish. For I have no rights to stay. When being asked to go away.