xx Ella.Z

Does it ever get lonely? Thinking you could live without me. Halsey's new breakup song inspired me to write out my own. Do you think of me, babe? When you're feeling high, Choking yourself w ith smokes, Of a lit-joint, Thinking you're not sorry, For a past you wish to forget, Or not quite yet? A blurred face, A silhouette. Do you think of me, babe? When you're feeling high, Or have I become a distant memory? The one you can no longer trace, Why? No longer you know my name, No longer you recognize my face, I was there, You can't deny. Do you still think of me, babe? When you're feeling high, Though I'm far for you to hold, Can you live? Being lonely, Without me? Whilst having fun, Not what I've been told, You can't.

Writing is an underestimated art. To the one who once asked me to write something, this one's for you. You once told me to write something about you. I laughed at that moment, thinking that I couldn't write you out. I wanted to but I refused. Because to me, writing means forgetting and I didn't want to forget you, not just yet. But guess what? I'm writing this one out for you. I'm writing you out of how you made me feel lucky to have you even just for a little while. I'm writing you out to remind me that I wasn't alone every single night with having you from the other side. I'm writing you out to reminisce me of all the words you once drew to make my heart flutter like it's true. I'm writing you out to make me recognize you in my mind, over and over again, if only you knew. Indeed, writing means forgetting but somehow, writing you out means remembering, missing and hoping. 

Though he did hurt me a lot. Some of the good memories I had with him are worth remembering. In my mind, memories were playing --like a film reeling in a slow motion with my favourite genres of romance; of all those kisses I've missed , fantasy; of all those dreams I once painted with you and adventure; of all those crazy silly things we did when we were madly in love . And all of the best parts in the film were being put on pause to keep me smiling like an idiot. Why? Because they were best kept as stills --stills of you.

Forgetting him would be the hardest thing to do. Because I can't seem to get him out of my head. How do you forget someone? A question I hardly know the answer. Because the truth is ..you can't.  Not when he gave you so much to remember. No matter how hard you try to erase the thought of him, he'll still be there --haunting you with remnants of the past. So tell me, how do you forget someone without having to see him in your mind at the mention of his name or when a certain song playing on the radio, it reminds you of him or when you walk pass by a store, his cologne scent suddenly engulfs your senses or when you think of NYC, his voice ringing, "Let's go, babe!" in your head? How do you do that? How do you stop someone from haunting you? Because even though, he isn't here anymore, his ghost keep following me wherever I go as if he has an unfinished business with me. I can see him everywhere in the streets, under the city lights...

Why is it that every time I look at the sunset, I will immediately think of him? Memories of him were gold that I just couldn't get my eyes off. I caught myself staring at the sunset again to reminisce about the memories I once had with you. Just like the sunset, you were beautiful and only last for a short while but for what it's worth, it happened.  You happened.

I used to have a diary where I would write everything about him. Funny to have recalled old memories of innocent love. I still remember, for days after you left, I turned to my diary to remind me of you and it's like reading an aching novel that has quite a sad ending to tell. Eyes soaked in tears, wishing that everything written in the diary will reel in my life back again with you as my hero.  But it all has changed now.  Turning to my diary is like turning to something nostalgic with humorous tale badly written --of how one could be silly enough to be in love with someone so ridiculous. I laugh to it as my mind reminiscing the memories I once had, like reading a sappy yet trashy novel that got you to say, "What the hell was she thinking?"  But I guess that's what you called as love. It made you do silly things like writing a silly novel that could have gotten a better ending.

I wanted my mind to take me back momentarily to where it was before --when everything is as beautiful as the Sunset. You know that feeling when you watch the sun slowly sets in the late evening? For a second there, it's like taking you back to a nostalgic lane. A scenic view for you to just enjoy as how your mind reminiscing you of all the beautiful memories once reeled in your past. It lasted only for a short time but for what it's worth, it actually made you smile knowing that you have had the best memories treasured forever. As the Sun fades away, leave it all behind because the show is over. While it may lured you enough to not move, just remember memories are only meant to be a visiting spot not a destination you ought to stay.